| | Dearest creature in creation | 1 |
| | Studying English pronunciation,
| | | I will teach you in my verse
| | | Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
| | | I will keep you, Susy, busy,
| | | Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
| | | Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
| | | Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.
| | | Pray, console your loving poet,
| | | Make my coat look new, dear, sew it! | 10 |
| | Just
compare heart, hear and heard,
| | | Dies
and diet, lord and word.
| | | Sword and sward, retain and Britain
| | | (Mind the latter how it's written).
| | | Made
has not the sound of bade,
| | | Say-said,
pay-paid, laid but plaid.
| | | Now I surely will not plague you
| | | With such words as vague and ague,
| | | But
be careful how you speak,
| | | Say:
gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak, | 20 |
| | Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
| | | Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
| | | Woven,
oven, how and low,
| | | Script,
receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
| | | Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
| | | Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
| | | Branch,
ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
| | | Missiles,
similes, reviles.
| | | Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
| | | Same, examining, but mining, | 30 |
| | Scholar,
vicar, and cigar,
| | | Solar,
mica, war and far.
| | | From "desire": desirable-admirable
from "admire",
| | | Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
| | | Topsham,
brougham, renown, but known,
| | | Knowledge,
done, lone, gone, none, tone,
| | | One, anemone, Balmoral,
| | | Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
| | | Gertrude,
German, wind and wind,
| | | Beau,
kind, kindred, queue, mankind, | 40 |
| | Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
| | | Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
| | | This
phonetic labyrinth
| | | Gives
moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth,
plinth.
| | | Have you ever yet endeavoured
| | | To pronounce revered and severed,
| | | Demon,
lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
| | | Peter,
petrol and patrol?
| | | Billet does not end like ballet;
| | | Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. | 50 |
| | Blood
and flood are not like food,
| | | Nor
is mould like should and would.
| | | Banquet is not nearly parquet,
| | | Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
| | | Discount,
viscount, load and broad,
| | | Toward,
to forward, to reward,
| | | Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
| | | Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
| | | Rounded,
wounded, grieve and sieve,
| | | Friend
and fiend, alive and live. | 60 |
| | Is your R correct in higher?
| | | Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
| | | Hugh,
but hug, and hood, but hoot,
| | | Buoyant,
minute, but minute.
| | | Say abscission with precision,
| | | Now: position and transition;
| | | Would
it tally with my rhyme
| | | If
I mentioned paradigm?
| | | Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
| | | But cease, crease, grease and greasy? | 70 |
| | Cornice,
nice, valise, revise,
| | | Rabies,
but lullabies.
| | | Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
| | | Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
| | | You'll
envelop lists, I hope,
| | | In
a linen envelope.
| | | Would you like some more? You'll have it!
| | | Affidavit, David, davit.
| | | To
abjure, to perjure. Sheik
| | | Does
not sound like Czech but ache. | 80 |
| | Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
| | | Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
| | | We
say hallowed, but allowed,
| | | People,
leopard, towed but vowed.
| | | Mark the difference, moreover,
| | | Between mover, plover, Dover.
| | | Leeches,
breeches, wise, precise,
| | | Chalice,
but police and lice,
| | | Camel, constable, unstable,
| | | Principle, disciple, | 90 |
| | Petal,
penal, and canal,
| | | Wait,
surmise, plait, promise, pal,
| | | Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
| | | Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
| | | But
it is not hard to tell
| | | Why
it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
| | | Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
| | | Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
| | | Worm
and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
| | | Senator,
spectator, mayor, | 100 |
| | Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
| | | Has the A of drachm and hammer.
| | | Pussy,
hussy and possess,
| | | Desert,
but desert, address.
| | | Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
| | | Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
| | | Courier,
courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
| | | Cow,
but Cowper, some and home.
| | | "Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
| | | Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor", | 110 |
| | Making,
it is sad but true,
| | | In
bravado, much ado.
| | | Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
| | | Neither does devour with clangour.
| | | Pilot,
pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
| | | Font,
front, wont, want, grand and grant.
| | | Arsenic, specific, scenic,
| | | Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
| | | Gooseberry,
goose, and close, but close,
| | | Paradise,
rise, rose, and dose. | 120 |
| | Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
| | | Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
| | | Mind!
Meandering but mean,
| | | Valentine
and magazine.
| | | And I bet you, dear, a penny,
| | | You say mani-(fold) like many,
| | | Which
is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
| | | Tier
(one who ties), but tier.
| | | Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
| | | Rhyme with herring or with stirring? | 130 |
| | Prison,
bison, treasure trove,
| | | Treason,
hover, cover, cove,
| | | Perseverance, severance. Ribald
| | | Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
| | | Phaeton,
paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
| | | Lien,
psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.
| | | Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
| | | And distinguish buffet, buffet;
| | |
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
| | | Worcester,
Boleyn, to impugn. | 140 |
| | Say in sounds correct and sterling
| | | Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
| | | Evil,
devil, mezzotint,
| | | Mind
the Z! (A gentle hint.)
| | | Now you need not pay attention
| | | To such sounds as I don't mention,
| | | Sounds
like pores, pause, pours and paws,
| | | Rhyming
with the pronoun yours;
| | | Nor are proper names included,
| | | Though I often heard, as you did, | 150 |
| | Funny
rhymes to unicorn,
| | | Yes,
you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.
| | | No, my maiden, coy and comely,
| | | I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
| | | No.
Yet Froude compared with proud
| | | Is
no better than McLeod.
| | | But mind trivial and vial,
| | | Tripod, menial, denial,
| | | Troll
and trolley, realm and ream,
| | | Schedule,
mischief, schism, and scheme. | 160 |
| | Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
| | | May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
| | | But
you're not supposed to say
| | | Piquet
rhymes with sobriquet.
| | | Had this invalid invalid
| | | Worthless documents? How pallid,
| | | How
uncouth he, couchant, looked,
| | | When
for Portsmouth I had booked!
| | | Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
| | | Paramour, enamoured, flighty, | 170 |
| | Episodes,
antipodes,
| | | Acquiesce,
and obsequies.
| | | Please don't monkey with the geyser,
| | | Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
| | | Rather
say in accents pure:
| | | Nature,
stature and mature.
| | | Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
| | | Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
| | | Conquer,
conquest, vase, phase, fan,
| | | Wan,
sedan and artisan. | 180 |
| | The TH will surely trouble you
| | | More than R, CH or W.
| | | Say
then these phonetic gems:
| | | Thomas,
thyme, Theresa, Thames.
| | | Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
| | | There are more but I forget 'em-
| | | Wait!
I've got it: Anthony,
| | | Lighten
your anxiety.
| | | The archaic word albeit
| | | Does not rhyme with eight-you see it; | 190 |
| | With
and forthwith, one has voice,
| | | One
has not, you make your choice.
| | | Shoes, goes, does[1]. Now first say: finger;
| | | Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
| | | Real,
zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
| | | Marriage,
foliage, mirage, age,
| | | Hero, heron, query, very,
| | | Parry, tarry fury, bury,
| | | Dost,
lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
| | | Job,
Job, blossom, bosom, oath. | 200 |
| | Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
| | | Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
| | | Holm
you know, but noes, canoes,
| | | Puisne,
truism, use, to use?
| | | Though the difference seems little,
| | | We say actual, but victual,
| | | Seat,
sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
| | | Put,
nut, granite, and unite.
| | | Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
| | | Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. | 210 |
| | Dull,
bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
| | | Hint,
pint, senate, but sedate.
| | | Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
| | | Science, conscience, scientific;
| | | Tour,
but our, dour, succour, four,
| | | Gas,
alas, and Arkansas.
| | | Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
| | | Next omit, which differs from it
| | | Bona
fide, alibi
| | | Gyrate,
dowry and awry. | 220 |
| | Sea, idea, guinea, area,
| | | Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
| | | Youth,
south, southern, cleanse and clean,
| | | Doctrine,
turpentine, marine.
| | | Compare alien with Italian,
| | | Dandelion with battalion,
| | | Rally
with ally; yea, ye,
| | | Eye,
I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
| | | Say aver, but ever, fever,
| | | Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. | 230 |
| | Never
guess-it is not safe,
| | | We
say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.
| | | Starry, granary, canary,
| | | Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
| | | Face,
but preface, then grimace,
| | | Phlegm,
phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
| | | Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
| | | Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
| | | Ear,
but earn; and ere and tear
| | | Do
not rhyme with here but heir. | 240 |
| | Mind the O of off and often
| | | Which may be pronounced as orphan,
| | | With
the sound of saw and sauce;
| | | Also
soft, lost, cloth and cross.
| | | Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
| | | Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
| | | Respite,
spite, consent, resent.
| | | Liable,
but Parliament.
| | | Seven is right, but so is even,
| | | Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, | 250 |
| | Monkey,
donkey, clerk and jerk,
| | | Asp,
grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.
| | | A of valour, vapid vapour,
| | | S of news (compare newspaper),
| | | G
of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
| | | I
of antichrist and grist,
| | | Differ like diverse and divers,
| | | Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
| | | Once,
but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
| | | Polish,
Polish, poll and poll. | 260 |
| | Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
| | | Is a paling, stout and spiky.
| | | Won't
it make you lose your wits
| | | Writing
groats and saying 'grits'?
| | | It's a dark abyss or tunnel
| | | Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
| | | Islington,
and Isle of Wight,
| | | Housewife,
verdict and indict.
| | | Don't you think so, reader, rather,
| | | Saying lather, bather, father? | 270 |
| | Finally,
which rhymes with enough,
| | | Though,
through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??
| | | Hiccough has the sound of sup...
| | | My advice is: GIVE IT UP! | 274 |
|
| | [1] No, you're wrong. This is the plural of doe. |
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